My Story

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At 9 years old I was coerced into incestuous activity by my brother and for most of my life took the blame upon myself. 

I had no idea how my life would be forever imprinted by the shame and guilt I would carry, and the tremendous impact this would have on my future relationships. 

For decades, every partner I had chosen had an addiction or mental health issue and I would just continue to choose unhealthy, coercive people to whom I readily handed over control of my life. I had no clear idea why this kept happening to me, but I was starting to see a pattern.

Three years ago I felt ashamed and hopeless after another failed relationship. This guy had ghosted me after I ended the relationship, or so I thought.....that was until his body was found 6 weeks later. I was overwhelmed with guilt, shame, and the responsibility I felt for his death. While we were together, I did not realize he was potentially suicidal, nor did I fully understand the extent of the pain he hid behind the mask he wore. I was focused on creating a better life for myself and my children when I met him. I had just started writing a book and working on creating a formal business with the first inner child healiing modality I was certified in, The Completion Process. 

Grateful for the resources and network of fellow childhood trauma coaches and inner child healers I reached out to them to process my responsibility what was not my responsibility, and the mountain of pain left by his passing. I knew I had to fully integrate my wounds if I was ever going to heal my heart.

With the eyes of a 40-year-old adult, I saw the damage of trying to pretend nothing happened and came to realize what that had been doing to me my whole life. I saw how it impacted my choices and what I had put up with in relationships. I saw a common thread of covering up for them, not reporting abuse, not pressing charges after reporting abuse, blaming myself, sweeping the whole thing under the rug, this was reminiscent of not being in counseling as a child, and my entire family just pretending the sexual trauma never happened. I didn't start to heal until I shared the blame with the other people responsible, met my inner child again and again and offered my love, compassion, support, and understanding. Creating a safe space to heal my broken heart. My inner dialogue started to change I was kinder and more understanding, I felt myself growing stonger and feeling more at peace and comfortable in my own skin. My creativity came back to life, writing songs and poetry took no effort at all. My passion to start a business with these life giving practices and personalized coaching was reignited after experiencing such a sudden loss, I wanted to speak giving people like him hope for a better tomorrow. I believe he might still be here today if he had opened up to me or someone and got the resources and help he needed but didn't feel he could ask for. 

Today, I have forgiven my brother and myself, moved light years along my healing journey, and show up for myself with more compassion and love than I ever thought possible, and it is still getting better. I consider myself lucky, I have learned to talk about the the abuse, I have let out some of my deepest darkest secrets, I felt the emotions I had been stuffing down and shaming myself for, I let go of the shame and I survived it, in fact I believe that's a main reason I am still here today.

My story, my compassion, and the training I have received as an emotional integration coach specializing in inner-child healing, allows me to offer others a way to heal and move forward into a brighter future no longer burdened by the shame of their past.
 

For speaker & workshop bookings and more information about one-on-one healing sessions please contact me at amanda@transformingthetrauma.com. 

Watch for the release of my upcoming book in 2025.